and how are you?
often do you wonder how much that isn't true?
will you help me out if you can?
i'll take you as you are, please take me as i am
this was my final final project for life drawing.
it's been a really rough senior year... during the few weeks prior to my graduation i:
-paid a visit to the emergency room
-hung out with my best friend one last time before she flew half way across the globe to pursue her dreams
-moved in with my boyfriend
by the end of it all i was just so exhausted both mentally and physically. worst of all, my spirit was completely drained. it's the worst burn out i've experienced in a long, long time and i was in no way prepared for the extent of its backlash.
for the majority of the past month i've been stuck in a depressive rut. my motivation was dwelling in the negatives and i just didn't see any reason for doing what i loved any more. i turned off my phone, quit facebook and didn't check my emails. in my mind i knew very clearly that something was wrong but i just couldn't summon up the strength to confront the fear and guilt. so i kept stalling for time.
last friday my boyfriend left to go on a family vacation overseas. i'm suddenly on my own again for the first time in 8 months. the loneliness is overwhelming sometimes but it also gives me room to reflect. and bit by bit i've learned to shed light on the monster that's been lurking in the dark corners of my mind. i will find a way to tame it.